btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
