She said her name was "party"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
