this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
