I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
