the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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