I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
