my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize