I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im holly from the hills drunk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
