We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
FUCK WHALES
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