An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize