She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
