you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize