it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
