I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
