My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
