honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
