She is in my trunk
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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