Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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