she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
