My room smells like vodka and shame
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
