He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
