Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
