Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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