i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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