i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I will be naked everywhere
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
