Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who died my cat blue again?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
