So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
