I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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