He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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