What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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