Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
