I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize