I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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