Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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