Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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