Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
