Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize