Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
