Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
don't judge my taste in strippers
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
