your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Randomize
