you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
