yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
