hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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