OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
