I look better un-naked...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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