Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
