we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love having hate sex.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
