i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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