So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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