Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
