Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
