I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
