I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
