I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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