I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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