He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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