I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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