I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
