I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
