my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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