Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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