WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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