she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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