I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
