...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
