where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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