Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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