Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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