thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
