dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
