Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
