Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
