i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
