just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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